Captain Jack Sparrow Meets Miley Cyrus
by Turtlelovers
Summary: Warning: Miley Cyrus fans, do NOT read this! This is just what I think would happen if Miley Cyrus met Captain Jack Sparrow. In case you can't tell, I am NOT a Miley Cyrus fan, and I LOVE making fun of her! And it turned out adding the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow is a really fun way to do it.
1. Chapter 1

Jack Sparrow Meets Miley Cyrus

(Starts at Tortuga in a side room of a bar. Shows MILEY and ROBIN in the room, MILEY is twerking and ROBIN is off to the side rolling his eyes. Enter JACK and WILL.)

WILL (has an oh-no-not-her look on his face): Oh, Jack, I want you to meet my, um, friend Miley Cyrus.

JACK (looks at her appalled for a minute, then back at WILL): Is it contagious?

(ROBIN snorts and tries to cover it up with a cough. MILEY looks at him and JACK confused, then carries on twerking.)

WILL (looking like he wants to laugh but is covering it up): No, Jack. Actually, that's her dance routine for her next music video. Robin Thicke is helping her.

JACK (now looking alarmed): Is this what pop culture has progressed to?

(ROBIN snorts again. MILEY glances at him warily.)

MILEY (pausing her twerking routine, to ROBIN): Do you have a cold?

JACK (somewhat slyly): That's not the least of your concerns. I think we should all focus on the unfortunate event that led us all here tonight.

WILL (glancing at JACK warily, like he's having second thoughts of introducing JACK to MILEY): What would that be?

JACK (whispering to WILL): Isn't it obvious? There's been a breakout at the mental asylum and the inmates are running amuck!

WILL (rolling eyes): Let's go, Jack.

JACK (sarcastically to MILEY as WILL pushes him out the door): We should do this again sometime…

MILEY (beaming as they leave): He seemed nice, huh, Robin?

ROBIN (turning away laughing): Yes. (Breaks into laughter again and can't stop, and finally leaves the room)

MILEY (looking bewildered): What is with everyone tonight? (Shrugs and keeps twerking)

THE END


	2. Chapter 2

Jack Sparrow meets Miley Cyrus 2: the sequel

(On the _Black Pearl_. JACK and WILL are behind the wheel of the ship, and there are a couple crates near them.)

WILL (sounding very distressed): We must save Elizabeth!

JACK (facing away from the crates): Don't worry, we'll find your damsel in distress. Here, take the compass.

WILL (looking scared): Elizabeth isn't the only damsel we need to worry about here! (He points at the crates and JACK turns around to find MILEY climbing out of a crate.)

JACK (looking horrified): That isn't a damsel, that's a turkey with a bad twitch!

MILEY: I thought this was my stage!

JACK (beginning to look angry): This is not a stage, this is my glorious ship!

MILEY: Really? I could have sworn it was a stage. No matter, I'll just perform here!

(JACK looks desperately at WILL, who has lost interest): We're heading west, Jack!

JACK: Not with this thing in MY ship, we're not! (Grabs the wheel from WILL) We're heading straight back to Tortuga, now!

WILL: But what about Elizabeth?

JACK: Well, she's quite smart, and I'm sure she'll do just fine on her own. In the meantime, I don't want my beautiful ship to be turned into a place for mental performers!

MILEY: There's nowhere else for me to dance, why not here? (She begins to twerk, and JACK groans and keeps fighting over the wheel with WILL)

WILL: We have to find Elizabeth no matter who's on board this boat!

JACK: Don't call the _Black Pearl _a boat. It is a wonderful vessel, or ship, if you like. But not a boat. (Glares at MILEY) Or a stage!

WILL: I don't care what this thing is, as long as it gets us to Elizabeth, just like you promised it would a minute ago!

JACK (Still fighting over the wheel with WILL) We need to drop this lunatic of a pop star off at Tortuga, because I am not allowing her on my ship any longer!

MILEY (Still twerking): I don't see what the big deal is. Anything can be a stage if you have an audience! JACK: Yes, well, my ship does not count as anything and it does certainly not pass for a stage no matter how big an audience is. Ow! (WILL has gotten him off the wheel while he was talking.)

WILL (triumphantly): Now we're going to go save Elizabeth!

JACK (throwing himself back at the wheel): We can't go another mile with this animal on board MY ship! Does everyone hear that? I would like to remind everyone present that this is my ship!

MILEY (who has been ignoring WILL and JACK, turning around): This ship is magnificent! Whose is it, anyway?

(WILL and JACK stop fighting over the wheel and turn to stare at MILEY like they can't believe how dumb she's being. Then they start fighting again. They struggle for a few minutes until JACK pushes WILL off and WILL falls to the ground dazed.)

JACK: Aha! We are heading back to Tortuga whether anyone here likes it or not! Because this is MY ship, and-

(JACK is cut off when he yanks the wheel so hard he pulls it out. He stares at it, horrified.)

WILL (with a little smirk on his face): YOUR ship isn't doing so well.

JACK (glaring at WILL): This doesn't just mean we're stuck with this musical moron (he gestures to MILEY, who has started to hum.) It also means we can't reach your damsel in distress.

(WILL stops smirking and tries to stand up calmly.)

WILL (to JACK): Do you have any idea how to fix this thing?

JACK: I don't know, the question is do you know how to fix THIS thing? (He gestures to MILEY again, who is still twerking and singing.)

WILL (rolling his eyes): So what are we going to do?

JACK (helplessly): I have no clue. (Groans again and pushes past MILEY, making her fall over, and down to his cabin. WILL starts to try to fix the wheel.)

TO BE CONTINUED….


End file.
